Lenten challenge: you decide!

Lent* is officially here and I find myself inspired to give something up—but so soooo many items to choose from. Perhaps you could adjudicate among the following options for me to forgo for 40 days.

■ Speaking in tongues to the neighborhood cats

■ Drinking the water in Mexico

■ Pretending to flinch when someone comes up behind me

■ Sardines (alt give-up: Kale)

■ Polishing my fake fruit

■ Making prank “citizens arrests” 

■ Doing my famous (but much beloved) Elvis impersonation (“Thankyewverymuch”)

■ Vigilante homeland security operations

■ Vigilante freeway “highway patrol” operations

■ Random “hand origami” creations

■ Breathing underwater (I’ve only mastered the “breathing out” part to date)

■ Performing taxidermy experiments on my stuffed animals

■ Bringing my recipe for “Smoke-infused Cajun Lenten Perch” (basically, perch that is flaming on the stove due to neglect) to Lenten parties

■ Using the Jedi mind trick on snakes (it’s good to learn from mistakes)

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* the term comes from Old English lengten or lengthu (“length”): (American Heritage Dictionary); and Middle English lenten, c. 1275: “the season of spring”: OED.  Later co-opted by the Church to indicate the 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday to Easter. Wait a dang minute! Weekdays, you say? Does this mean I can satisfy my lust for Elvis impersonations and Jedi mind tricks on weekends?

Note: all photos exc. the Dummies cover and kale, ©James Veihdeffer