Kales Gone Wild!

I got to wondering how what is normally just a simple silly season of politicking turned into an all-out schoolyard douchenugget wazzockfest . . . and then I noticed something funny happening . . .

Justice Clarence Thomas spoke.Clarence Thomas-speaks-CR

No!

This was something else, something funny on my front walkway.

Funny odd, not funny laughing.

Funny alien, not funny as in “A priest, an imam and a rabbi walked into a bar . . .”

What I found was that apparently aliens (ETs that is, not border-jumpers) have irradiated my peaceable little kale and agave plants and turned them into monsters.

Consider this innocent plant from Dec. 3, 2015

 

Kale-CU-watertube(482)

Now see what happened after the aliens sent their radiation rays.

Kale-green-Feb2016(721)3markersI’ve taken the trouble of marking the unseemly growth from December (red bar) to late February (blue) to Feb. 29, Leap Day, (green).

Now check out the growth of this agave plant…

Agave(723)

and this small bush which was barely the size of a thumbnail over the holidays.

Xmas tree 12-05-CROK, I may have fibbed a bit about this last item which is really my artificial tree.

But I’m not fibbing at all about [insert drum roll]…

this!

strawbs-shad-quintusstrawb-oreo-cashew(708)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes…a giant alien strawberry that’s almost 8 cm in length! Twice the size of an ordinary Earth-harvested strawb. Not to get all sciencey on you, but this is larger than a Girl Scout “Thin Mint” cookie and jumbo cashew (the internationally recognized standards of measurement) put together.

So, you got The Clarence talking. Now, if you could just get The Donald to stop.Donald-Trump-and-Waterboarding-CR

 

Hey ETs:  Listening?

 

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2 comments on “Kales Gone Wild!

  1. Hahahaha! The kale is just bolting (flowering), take a chill pill. Just don’t make a salad: Once greens bolt they taste like ass.

    I’m diggin’ that strawb, though. Get it? Digging?

    (sigh)

    • jveeds says:

      Yeah, I heard that term “bolting” from a message board and thought maybe it meant the kale had decided to take up new lodging. The garden center just said “Let it be” or maybe it was “Don’t worry, be happy.” It’s quite the musical nursery.

      Kudos on “diggin'”

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