Things I’m Giving Up for Lent

Updated March 2014

Corresponding with telemarketing scammers (like “Jessica Jones”)

Moving small objects with my mind

“Hand Origami”

My recipe for “La Merde dans un Chapeau Verte”

Breathing underwater (I’ve only mastered the exhaling part so far)


Drinking the water in Mexico

Speaking in tongues


Casting a spell on the neighbor’s dog

Mortal combat

Taking a metal detector to the desert

Incessantly humming the theme from “Green Acres”

Complaining about apostrophe abuseHarolds Park-CR - sign

Duplicate Bridge

Homeland Security

Elvis impersonations (but not my famous James Brown or Dostoyevski impersonations…obviously)


Cursing in Franco-Arabic (that’s what they actually call it)




Using the Jedi mind trick on snakes (it’s good to learn from mistakes)


Vacuuming my chest

Balloon animals

Buying cereal in bulk

Making citizen’s arrests

Running headlong into glass doors

Jailhouse tattooing

Live ammo

Original origami art by the author
Handcuffs courtesy of Saudi Arabia, photographed by the author in al-Bordello
Thanks to JU of New Jersey for reminding me of these resolutions and other tips and suggestions.

10 comments on “Things I’m Giving Up for Lent

  1. Bill Koehle says:

    What do you have against fennel?

    • jveeds says:

      It was either fennel or rosemary. What’s a fella to do? The decision made itself. What are you…some sort of fennelphile?

  2. Saifelden says:

    what do u mean with those headlines??

    • jveeds says:

      Hi Saif — A headline is supposed to get your attention and pull you into the story or ad 🙂 But, are you asking what Lent is or some other headline? I think the Coptics have Lent…after all, there’s an Easter break coming up.

  3. Christy says:

    wow you gave up alot. i feel inadequate as a christian 😉

  4. easyrider13 says:

    I remember the day we put this together. Thanks for keeping some of my ideas as well as your own–especially your cursing in Franco-Arabic. May we have a translation?

  5. Karen says:

    My favorites were green acres and flinching.

    • jveeds says:

      Gosh, I sure hope you don’t find yourself incessantly humming the theme song to yourself…”Oh, Green acres is the place for me. Farm livin’ is the life for me…”

  6. Rose says:

    Well I took the time before going to bed tonight and I must say your blog was fascinating.

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