International Software Update Days

I’ve had it up to here with pesky update notes that show up on my computer seemingly every week or so. Sure, I know that hardware and software developers want to patch holes, fix errors, increase functionality and generally deliver me from evil, but do they have to be so blasted annoying?

Blinking lights on my taskbar, messages continually popping up whenever I’m in the middle of something else, messages popping up while I’m just turning my computer on in the morning when I have a lot more important things to do than update my printer. Enough.

Here’s just a partial list of persistent updates that buzz around my computer like flies at a camel auction.

  • Windows
  • Adobe Acrobat
  • HP Printer
  • Java
  • Lenovo (my laptop)
  • I-Tunes
  • DivX (video viewing application)

One of my least favorites is: “You have unused icons on your desktop. The desktop cleanup wizard can help you clean up for your desktop”

(As it turns out, this pest-o-gram is easily disabled. Just go to the desktop, right click for Properties, go to Desktop/Customize Desktop and then un-check the “Run Desktop Cleanup Wizard every 60 days’ option and click ‘OK’.”)

And my top least favorite is this one from Windows:

“Windows has important updates for your computer.”

I get it, we’re supposed to download the latest patches. I ignore it for a while and then get bludgeoned into submission and finally click for the updates. OK, Windows now wants me to restart the computer. That’s fine. I know that you have to do that sometimes to get certain pieces of software into the Registry, or whatever hell hole they reside in.

But no…I mean Windows wants you to restart you computer NOW. Apparently Windows doesn’t realize I’m reading important e-mails from my friends and scouring You Tube for funny videos and possibly even getting actual work done. So Windows sends a little message to the middle of your screen.

And Windows will continue sending this message to the middle of your screen every 10 minutes until you comply.

Now, you’d think iTunes, being a subsidiary of the technologically progressive Apple empire would be a user-friendly update. Nay nay. I’ve never updated my iTunes without getting major conniptions. It’s almost as though Apple is going out of their way to screw up all my carefully adjusted settings. For example, whenever I synch my iTouch for the latest podcasts, the system proceeds to download every podcast I’ve ever saved–even though I have specifically asked for only the latest three. This never happened with my original iPod synchs.

Therefore, I propose that we ask developers to restrict themselves to two International Software Update (ISUP) Days each year, let’s say January 2 and June 2. (The latter is when I update my age each year in case you want to send an appreciative gift.)

For our part, we’ll agree to be good Do-Be’s and download their stupid updates and upgrades. In return, these Air Supply-loving big girls blouses agree to stop harassing us with their incessant, infernal, petulant  nagging.

Just to sweeten the pot, I’ll personally agree to give up fooseball, drinking the water in Mexico, casting a spell on the neighbor’s barking dog and my killer Elvis impersonation for Lent.

That seems fair.

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